Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize