I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So vagazzling was a success
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
