i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
