super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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