I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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