dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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