They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
