pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize