i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
