Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
