If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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