Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
