I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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