margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
