if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
