not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
