dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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