and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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