Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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