do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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