She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
