I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
