You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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