I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
