So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
