i think my tv is drunk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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