I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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