Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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