Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
