we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
