Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
