You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
