But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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