Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
