I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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