some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
