I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Come on in and take your pants off
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