Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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