And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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