She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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