it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You smell like stripper and shame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
