Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
