Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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