in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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