Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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