capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
