i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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