Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
