So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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