this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
