I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
