can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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