another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
