I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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