just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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