Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
