Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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