Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
