dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Too much gin, very little bucket
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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