I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
