Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the condom got lost in my hair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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